“Record my misery, list my tears on Your scroll, are they not in Your record” (Psalm 56:8).
I have been very, very tired of being “sick and tired” lately. It’s so exhausting at times I just want to sit down and cry.
I keep thinking I must stay strong. I mustn’t let my emotions get the better of me, I mustn’t cry. Other people seem to cope, so why can’t I?
We have had trouble with our shower ever since we have lived in our house. It started with just small drips coming from the downstairs ceiling, but we chose to ignore it. Then eventually, one day the water just kept on coming through!
We have had several attempts at fixing it and have had the plumbers come three times, but occasionally it still drips.
Recently, I considered putting in some of the drain unblocking fluid before its starts leaking again.
When I read the instructions it said “use weekly to avoid blockages.”
Right out of nowhere I felt God speak to my spirit. I felt Him saying that if I keep ignoring how I am feeling then eventually–like the leak in the shower–the build-up of emotions is going to get me into trouble.
It does. I usually end up being snappy and grouchy with the children and it’s never completely their fault. Or I get really cross with my husband over something trivial and “go off on one.”
Then I end up feeling guilty. I tell myself I’m a bad mother and wife. That I’m a complete failure.
The downward spiral begins.
Then, I felt God saying “Debs, its okay to sit down and have a good cry. It’s okay to sit down and have a good cry every week.”
I know that there will be days when I can’t be strong and that’s okay because “He gives strength to the weary” (Isaiah 40:29).
There will be days when I won’t have the strength to fight, but that’s okay because “The Lord will fight for you” (Exodus 14:14).
There will be days when I just want to cry and that’s okay because “[God] keeps track of all my sorrows. [He has] collected all my tears in [His] bottle. [He has] recorded each one in [His] book” (Psalm 56:8, NLT).
Prayer: Dear Lord, help me to be honest with how I am feeling today. I give You all me tears and all my emotions. Come and fill me to overflowing so that I may feel Your strength beginning to rise up within me. I thank You that today, and every day, You will fight for me and that I only have to be still. Amen.
About the author:
Debs Edwards lives in South Wales, UK with her husband Simon and her two children aged 9 and 14. Debs has had fibromyalgia and photo aggravated rosacea for 18 months. She is able to continue to work on a part-time basis as a health researcher for 2 days a week at Cardiff University. She is enjoying spending more time with her family and is so thankful to God that she has been able to enjoy a deeper relationship with Him through her illness.
Is living with your chronic illness every day getting on top of you? Are you feeling overwhelmed today? Do you need to stop pretending everything is okay today? Do you just need to stay with your emotions for a while?
This is Manic Drive singing “Closer” and it is about how we want to draw closer to God. We can look around our world and want to change so many things. Sometimes we hit rock bottom. But we can always cry out to God and ask Him to draw us closer to Him… even if it starts to make us cry. That is my summary of the lyrics of this powerful song. I hope it is a blessing to you today. -Lisa