When we are Weary of the Invisible Fight

wearyWe fight for so many things when we have a chronic illness, so how do we find rest? Debs shares.

“The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still” (Exodus 14:14).

This year we spent a family holiday in Southern Ireland. During previous holidays they had become frenetic times of cramming as much activity in as possible, going out every day and enjoying the sunshine.

Now, however, I am allergic to UV light, so as soon as we arrive anywhere we have to check all the light fittings. Outside isn’t much better, especially during the heat of the day. I have to apply sun cream and specialized make up to ensure that I am protected. That is just to manage the rosacea.

I also must admit to myself that because of my fibromyalgia I can’t do everything I would like to. All activity has to be carefully planned with periods of rest scheduled in. Though, I have to say, my children have no problem with having a day in their pajamas watching television and playing on their electronic devices.

By the time I have got myself ready and I felt I was ready to face the day, two to three hours has gone by. Every day can be fight and a struggle just to get motivated.
Then the holidays are over. Mums on the ‘school run’ say “You are looking good! Are you well?” I just smile and say “Doing fine, thanks.”

Friends tell me I’m looking well and ask me about my summer. I manage to recall the good days with enthusiasm. Somehow, looking well and having good days silently translates into you-must-be-better-then!

If only people could see the invisible fight that I wage with my body every day. If only people appreciated the constant battle against pain and fatigue.

Inside I’m screaming “I can’t do this anymore” and depression sets in.

Then I am reminded that God knows how I feel. In the Bible He tells me He will fight for me. I like the Amplified translation which says ““The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest” (Exodus 14:14).

So I tell myself that I can do this. I put on some uplifting music and then I’m ready to face the day one hour at a time.

Prayer: Dear Father, on those days when I feel that the fight is too much, remind me that You are with me, fighting for me. When my mind is in turmoil trying to work out how I am going to cope, give me Your peace and Your rest. Provide the right words for me to say to those around me. Amen.

About the author:
Debs Edwards lives in South Wales, UK with her husband Simon and her two children aged 10 and 14. Debs has had fibromyalgia and photo aggravated rosacea for 2 years. She is able to continue to work on a part-time basis as a health researcher for 2 days a week at Cardiff University. After being a busy person for as long as she can remember it has taken her a while to adjust to having to slow down and to allow herself to rest when she needs to. She is enjoying spending more time with her family and is so thankful to God that she has been able to enjoy a deeper relationship with Him through her illness.

Are you fed up with the constant battle against pain and fatigue? Do you feel as if you have no more strength to fight?

This is For King and Country singing “Shoulders.” The lyrics share how “I don’t have to see to believe that You’re lifting me up on Your shoulders.” I know it can be exhausting to be fighting so hard to keep small pieces of our life, but when we hand them all over to God, He has a way of helping us prioritize what to cling to and appreciate and what to let go of. And then the fight doesn’t seem so hard. -Lisa