“But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay” (Psalm 40:17).
I learned a lesson this past Easter season: I need God.
That might sound simple enough. We all need God. I should know that, right? After all, I write for Rest Ministries about my faith journey with chronic illness.
But something remarkable happened during Lent this year. Lent, in some Christian religions, is the 40 days of preparations leading up to the resurrection of Jesus on Easter Sunday. During this time there is prayer and reflection.
My journey thrust me in to a medical crises, which began with a simple change of my pacemaker settings to see if it would improve functioning.
Unfortunately, I learned not all technicians are created equally. After having my pacemaker changed incorrectly at home a second time, I did not feel well. So I traveled 600 miles to my cardiologist’s office two days before Easter for it to be reset.
During those 40 days I went through a downward spiral physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It began physically, but quickly spread. I realized, after an uneventful 18 months with my pacemaker, people could literally change my heartbeat with a touch of a computer screen.
And while my out-of-state cardiologist’s office personnel are highly skilled, unfortunately I don’t have that confidence in the local representative. This spiraled my mood and although I knew I needed God, I turned my back for a few days.
And it was horrible . . .
But God was still there . . .
He always is and loves me just the same. And He carried me during that time. I still functioned, and sought medical, spiritual, and emotional help for myself, despite my troubles. This was definitely God-intervened, as I could never do it without Him.
So this Lenten journey literally culminated two days before Easter, when my pacemaker was reset. And Holy Saturday I rejoiced by helping to decorate my church for Easter services. Alleluia we would sing–He has risen.
And Alleluia. I am beginning to feel better.
Prayer: Dear Lord: Help us to seek Your guidance, comfort and love even when we don’t feel worthy. Amen.
About the author:
Laura Seil Ruszczyk lives in New York with her husband and three kids. She retired from her job as an elementary school counselor in 2012. She has a neurological condition – dysautonmia- which is a deregulation of the autonomic nervous system.
How do you know God is with you on your journey?
This is the song “Oh How I Need You” from All Sons and Daughters. If you have ever sought for God, if you have ever wondered if He really hears your prayers, if you know you need God, I think you will find this song a comfort. Hugs, -Lisa