Yet You desired faithfulness even in the womb. You taught me wisdom in that secret place” (Psalm 51:6).
When we’ve dealt with chronic pain and illness for long periods of time, it’s not always the big things that weigh us down. Why do we forget that God tells us not to fear, but to trust Him?
Even when I want to think about truth and lovely things (Philippians 4:8), my mind automatically focuses on the worst case scenario.
This year, I made a decision to love and nourish my mind, body, and soul. Imagine my discomfort when I read today’s verse. The ESV reads, “Behold, You delight in truth in the inward being, and You teach me wisdom in the secret heart.”
I cannot hide from God. He sees all and knows everything about me.
I can’t wallow in shame and guilt. I have to ask God to forgive me for allowing fear or anxiety to control my thoughts.
Like David, I ask God to search my heart and give me a willing spirit, to help me speak words that are pleasing to Him.
It is difficult for me to admit that fears about my health are not pleasing to the Lord. Even though my days constantly fluctuate, I can trust in God’s unchanging nature. I have to remind myself of all the things God has brought me through. If He kept me then, surely He will be with me now.
As I continue growing in faith, I want to get to the point where my trust in God conquers everything that I have to endure. I want to say, “Yes, Lord,” to whatever trial I have to go through. Not as a sign of weakness, fear, or doubt, but as a sign of utter trust in His love for me.
Prayer: Father, thank You for drawing us into a closer relationship with You. Give us the courage to search our hearts for the secret areas of pain, fear, anger, or doubt. Reveal to us anything we are holding onto without realizing how it separates us from You. Forgive us. Set us free. Help us gain more strength as we walk with You. Amen.
About the Author:
Dorothea Love lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Norman. They are the parents of two adult children. She has lived with chronic illness and pain for over 30 years. She knows she must rely on God’s grace to strengthen her whenever she faces a challenge. She invites you to read some of her other work on her blog: http://www.dorothealove.wordpress.com, or visit with her in the Sunroom at: http://www.restministriessunroom.ning.com/profile/Dorothea Love.
What is your greatest fear that you need to truly surrender over to God? How might you do this?
It is so hard to die to ourselves and trust God completely, but it is such a blessing when we feel God take over not just our heart but our thoughts and our habits. This is the group Avalon singing, “Come and Fill Me Now.” It is a beautiful song of surrender. enjoy. -Lisa