“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3).
I recently received one of my quarterly infusions and the side effects multiplied. I was in severe pain and had slept just seven hours in three days. I drug myself to places I needed to be, made meals, and had playdates. By Friday night no one in my house had patience for each other, let alone me. I yelled, I cried, I pleaded. I fell asleep twice before 8:30 but was awoken by the household’s drama.
At these times I have to watch my words so carefully. I am beyond exhausted, my emotions are impacted by both the medications and insomnia. My grace and mercy is depleted.
Rather than keep trying to be kind, I break. I want everyone to realize how hard I have been trying for days to keep their lives as normal as possible while I suffer. . . and I am not going to suffer silently any more!
When we are in an extended period of deep pain it is hard to pray. And when I do pray, it is for my relief or how I hope my family can adapt. I am not praying that God will give me patience and mercy and grace, but rather praying for how people around me can give this to me! But this is when I need His help more than ever.
Because at some point, someone will know about my suffering. If I don’t talk to God about it, my family will get the brunt of it and it won’t be pretty. When I share with the Lord first, not only will I find renewal, I will save my family from being expected to meet my needs of sympathy –or thankfulness for my efforts.
God knows, God listens, and He will help me keep my lips under control.
About the author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is currently working on a prayer book for those who are chronically ill and balancing motherhood with foot surgery in March. Be encouraged by one of her books today! 100% proceeds go to Rest Ministries. Check out Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.
Do you find yourself losing control of your words after extended periods of pain or insomnia? How do you control your words when you are exhausted and out of patience?
On days like this we may need a reminder about how much we are loved–and this is why we can love others. When you consider who you are and how much God loves you anyway, it becomes easier to extend that grace and kindness to others. This is Jason Gray singing “Remind Me Who I Am.” Hope it blesses you today. -Lisa