“Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, ‘I do believe; help my unbelief.'” Mark 9:24)
Sometimes doubts seem to flood my soul. I start wondering about things that I thought had long been put to rest. I had so many doubts when I first came to God.
Is He real? Does He exist?
I wanted to believe–but, was I believing in something foolish, as many have said?
My favorite verse at the time was, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!”
Over the years, my beliefs have solidified. I have felt I was firmly grounded in Christ. Chronic illness seems to do that to You. Either you grown closer to Him, or abandon Him, sometimes blaming Him.
I know I spent many nights asking God “Why?”
Why did my life change so quickly when I was on the edge of my dreams coming true? Why did my daughter have to die? Why is there so much suffering?
I thought I had put those doubts to rest.
The death of my husband seems to have revived some of those questions. I feel dark thoughts rising to the surface as I wonder if there is truly a life after this one.
I am appalled at the thought.
How can that be coming from within me?
Today, God found me and reassured me in a way I never expected. He didn’t chastise me for my thoughts. No lightning stuck my house. Instead, He gave me a soft pure voice to answer my doubts.
A dear, dear internet friend passed away recently. She was young. Only 29. She had a cancer that was found too late and she fought bravely. But like with the death of my husband–cancer won.
I was reading a post by her sister. She recounted Marcie’s last words before she died.
I held my breath when I read them. I could barely believe it.
Posted by her sister were the last three words spoken by Marcie as she left this world of pain and sorrow and died, with a sweet smile on her face.
Three words that are probably the most significant words any of us will ever utter.
“I see God.”
Prayer: Father God, How truly astounding You are! You meet us where we are, with loving tender care. Help us to search for you with all of our hearts, so that we may one day utter those amazing words, “I see God.” And Lord? Thank you for Marcie. Amen and amen.
About the author:
deni was forced into an early retirement from a field she loved where she worked with special needs children to encourage their emotional growth. It brings her joy to bring that same love of encouraging others as she shares lessons she has learned as she walks this path of living with chronic pain and illnesses.
Believing that the only true way to deal with physical and emotional pain is to bring them to the fe
et of her Lord and Savior, her hope is that by sharing the insights she have gleaned while many physical challenges (Celiac Sprue, Atrial Fibrillation, Ankylosing Spondylitis and Porphyria to name a few) She lives in a well-loved rambling old house sharing it with four generations of family. You can find more of her writings at http://www.todaysencouragingwordonline.com She can be contacted through her website.
Deni thought you may enjoy this video of Casting Crowns as they sing “I Know You’re There.” This is a beautiful reminder that God never leaves our side and that regardless of how desperate we may feel, we can still turn to God and sing praises because we know He has it all in His hands. -Lisa