Understanding the Fear of Seeing Someone in Pain

When your view is unhindered, it is amazing the depth of what God can show you. Diane shares about fear.

”Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. . . ” (Acts 9:18)

In the last ten years I have been through various health situations, some of them have been life threatening. Although it has been extremely hard to endure them, until recently I have never been the one sitting on the opposite side of the hospital bed.

For the first time in our lives together, my sister was ill–gravely ill. And as I sat beside her in the ICU unit, I was struck by so many feelings; fear, confusion, helplessness. As I sat beside her and prayed I knew that I had to leave her in God’s hands.

Even as I pleaded for Him to let her stay here on this earth for a time longer, I knew it was His will that must be done. Each time my husband and I prayed tears rolled down my face. How would I make it without her here in my life?

My husband commented to me, “You know this is how it is for us, when it is you in that bed; when we don’t know if you will survive.”

I suddenly felt as Saul/Paul did when Ananias came and prayed over him, (Acts 9:17) that scales where fell from my eyes, to understand the depth of what my family goes through each time I am in the hospital and they watch–helpless to do anything but wait on God’s answer.

How often I have taken for granted the time they have spent beside me, not realizing the thoughts, emotions and fears that they have endured countless times as I have slept, usually unaware of what was happening. But now, thankfully, God has opened my eyes to the depth of not only my families love and faithfulness but also to His.

How, in this dire circumstance, He gently used this opportunity to grow and teach me in yet another aspect of illness. Not from the view point I so often see, the one from inside sick bed, but from the other side, the one where you must wait patiently on Him to answer prayers for your loved one, to grant His peace, to show you and your loved one how much He loves you and is there to guide you.

As I travel on this road of chronic illness and the life that God has blessed me with, I pray that this verse will be my focus; Psalm 16:8”I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

Prayer: Father, thank You for Your faithfulness in not only hearing our prayers but in answering those needs and teaching us the lessons needed that we may have a clear view of the depth of Your love and the love of others in our lives. Amen.

About the author:
Diane Kalata lives in Florida. She has three grown children, and a wonderful husband who offers much support. She enjoys leading a women’s bible study group as well as a chronic pain and illness support group. She enjoys art and writing as well. She is a colon cancer survivor; has chronic digestive illnesses, fibromyalgia other issues. But her joy is in serving God and bringing encouragement to others.

Have you ever felt the fear and sorrow that others must experience when you are in great pain? What did you learn from this situation?

Being a caregiver can be as weary as being the one who is ill. It is a different kind of emotion, and yet just as powerful–and exhausting. I thought this son, “Worn,” by Tenth Avenue North had heartfelt lyrics and described how we all feel at some point. I hope you are blessed by it. -Lisa

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