I Will Give God My Fears and My Fatigue From This Illness

wild-flower“My soul finds help in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my Rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” (Psalm 62:1-2)

It is late winter. Cold, gray and blustery. Generally every year after Christmas, I have a “crash.” That is a time when my autoimmune diseases flare up, and I have an unusual amount of pain and fatigue. At first it is a few weeks of big pain. The kind of pain where your skin hurts, even to the fingernails. Trying to lay still on a wrinkled sheet is intolerable.

The pain season usually lasts a few weeks. Then I move on to my “beached whale” mode. That is such a time of fatigue that sometimes I feel too tired to breathe. I have to ponder the idea of opening a can of soup, or making a scrambled egg.

These two seasons are generally over by late winter. The crash time has happened every year for nearly 20 years. I already considered the fabric of my year and planned ahead for it. After a busy Christmas season as a minister’s wife, I would stock extra groceries, clear the calendar, and allow for my forced rest time.

But as I write this now, it is the middle of March. After many doctor visits, many tests, I have been diagnosed with Autoimmune Peripheral Neuropathy. Tests show that the circulation in both legs is nearly gone. I should not be able to walk, but I can still, just a bit. This diagnosis along with 21 years of fibromyalgia, and 10 of Sjogren’s, add up to pain and fatigue. Then as a side note, I have a permenantly broken foot.

I do not know if the pain and “beached whale fatigue mode” is going to be my new normal. I am used to pain, but the pain I have just after Christmas has not left yet. All of the boundaries have changed in the past year.

I am afraid. But when I take my eyes off of me and look to Jesus, I know that He is my “Rock and my salvation.” He has never once failed me in the 21 years I have lived with this disease. I am a pastor’s wife, and raised my family in the parsonage, and have always had the strength to do what He wills for me to do.

If I just keep my eyes upon Jesus. “Trust in Him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to Him for God is our refuge,” says Psalm 62:8.

Prayer: Dear Jesus, I do trust You. With my whole heart I trust You. I do not know what the days ahead will bring, with my health, and my pain. But I know You hold the future, and You hold my hand. Amen.

About the Author:
Sandra Platt is a writer, minister’s wife, and mother of 2 adult kids. She loves to share of God’s grace through writing, and being part of her church family. She enjoys reading, baking, and when her hands let her, Cross stitching.

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

What things are making you afraid pour out your hearts to God. It helps me if I write them down in a list or a prayer. Keep this list in your journal or desk top; then when times come that you are afraid you will have visible proof that you already gave that fear to God.

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