Cycling Through The Grief of Chronic Illness – Again and Again

“My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing, and make music.” (Psalm 57:7)

Father, I long to sing these words. I long to sing to You, with a feeling of steadfastness!

In the New Webster’s Dictionary the word “steadfast” is an adjective, meaning; firm, fixed, constant. Another line stated that steadfast means constant in behavior or calm and controlled.

With my whole heart, I know that the Lord is faithful and loving. I already know by heart that He is always present and caring for me. Yet I live in this body and deal with chronic pain and fatigue–every hour of every day. And along with the pain and fatigue I worry about things like our finances; just covering our medical bills is so hard.

As I struggle, however, I come to the realization that my eyes are on me. How can I see the awesomeness of God if I am not looking up?

Sometimes I get mad. I get mad at the pain! I get mad because I hurt, and I cannot do the things I used to do for my family–things I want to do as a family.

A funny thing happens though. After I worry, after I struggle, after I have my eyes on me, or I get mad. . . I cry. And I know that just like the lilies of the field, the birds of the air, He loves me always.

Some of my favorite verses for times I am overwhelmed:

  • Psalm 56:3: When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
  • Psalm 57:10: For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; and Your faithfulness reaches to the sky.
  • Psalm 16:8: I have set the Lord always at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Prayer: Heavenly Father forgive me for the times I run ahead of you and waste my time worrying. I know, that I know deep down inside that You are always faithful. I need to just put myself in Your right hand, and rest in the shelter of Your wings.

About the Author:
Sandra Platt has been the wife of a Minister for 20 years, and has 2 young adult kids. She lives in the beautiful rural area of Southern Indiana. She has had Fibromyalgia for 21 years, and also has Sjogren’s, and Autoimmune Peripheral Neuropathy. She enjoys being being a Pastor’s wife, and has written for Rest Ministries for 7 years now. She appreciates all of the friendships she has made and the sweet fellowship she has with other members of the Rest Ministries. She can be reached in the Sunroom.

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Do you relate to Sandra’s cycle through the grief of anger, frustration, realization, hope, etc. What happens when you start to feel overwhelmed by the pain? What is your first emotion?

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