When Well-Meaning People Hurt Us, God Gets It
25 Jan 2012 8 Comments
in Devotionals2 Tags: Christ, God, Gospel of John, Jesus, John, Lord, prayer, Religion & Spirituality
“As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples ask Him, ‘Rabbi who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.’” (John 9: 1-3)
One dear-lady on one of the prayer forums I visit requested prayer for her church and a member of this church. This church-member suffers from Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, one of the illnesses we refer to as an “invisible illness” because we can not actually see the results of the damage this illness can cause. Since there is little known about this disorder, the church members took it upon themselves to intervene and try to heal this member in their own way.
Rather than offering support and prayer, they offered her what they assumed was a “sure-fire”cure.
They felt that this lady was not “physically” ill as she had said but rather suffering from sin in her life. They offered her a book that has chemicals on it to help her overcome her problems. The idea is basically that the more she smells the chemicals in this book, the more she will realize that her illness is and has been all in her imagination.
It always breaks my heart when others pass judgment on those who are in pain. . .
Well-meaning church-members assume they have the answers.
Well-meaning friends offer their cures, remedies and advice.
Well-meaning family members don’t understand why we are in pain.
Soon, we find ourselves questioning our life and illness and wondering if sin has been the reason we suffer so. In John chapter nine, we see a similar situation. The disciples saw a blind man. This blind man had suffered all of his life. The disciples ask Jesus who had sinned, him or his parents that he might have such an affliction. Jesus replied neither had sinned.
You see, it does not please God that we suffer, The Lord desires only the best for us, but the Lord can see past our pain in this temporary life to the eternal gain we will someday receive. This man’s weakness was displaying his spiritual strength, by relying on the Lord to work through him.God’s grace was the power for this blind man to endure his burden. He was strengthened as he relied on the strength of the Lord in his life. God’s powerful grace is more real to us in our sufferings. God’s glory could be demonstrated by working through the human weakness.
I know that when my pain is deep and intense and I am so troubled, despaired and alone, I would like to have an interceding friend who is concerned enough to pray for me and with me.
I would like a friend who would listen and understand.
I have that friend today in Jesus.
He is a friend I can always turn to.
He understands me through and through.
What kind of a friend are you today?
Can you intercede for another in pain? Perhaps you need prayer and understanding today in your own life. Remember precious one, you are so loved today and you are not alone. The Lord does understand and He knows your pain.
Dear Lord: Thank You for reminding us it is not our fault that we suffer so. Please help us to forgive ourselves and take away any guilt that is misplaced. You demonstrated in Your Word that this world offers pain because the world is flawed, but that we as individuals are not at fault when illness strikes. We can be blessed and assured that you understand the pain we are in and we are grateful to find any relief through You and Your Word! Thank you, Lord. Amen.
About the author:
Deborah Farmer suffers daily from a few of those invisible illnesses. She desires that everyone in pain today feel the loving arms of a Savior who understands and loves them. Deborah offers her prayers and hugs to you today!
You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com
Have you ever been hurt by a well-meaning person who offered a quick cure or solution to your physical ailments? Did you hurt about it even more than your loved ones would have expected? How have you used this experience to respond differently when you are encouraging another person who is suffering?
Jan 25, 2012 @ 08:10:19
There probably is no one suffering from an invisible illness who has not been hurt by insensitivity. I am no different. The question posed was, “Have you ever been hurt by a well-meaning person?…” I would feel somewhat comforted if the the hurts came ignorantly or unintentionally by someone who cares about me and wanted to “help” in some way. However, my most profoundly painful hurts come from those who are close (family) and say hurtful things purposely to cause pain. Over and over.
While I would be foolish to say I have never hurt anyone with my words, I can honestly say my natural reaction to someone’s suffering is to listen with empathy and offer help if needed.
I don’t know if my role of “helper” has hindered others ability to see that, I too, need compassion.
Jan 25, 2012 @ 08:40:16
I struggle with the ever present advice I am constantly bombarded with. I come away from these situations feeling so confused, so burdened and so alone. Does anyone have helpful suggestions? I find I am always at a loss for words when I am trying to “stick up for myself”. Any advice for a kind and caring way to state to these “caring” souls that I do not need their advice?
Jan 25, 2012 @ 12:00:18
I think that any of us who deal with invisible conditions/illnesses have encounters the well meaning person/friend/family member who has advice. Some of my friend actually do send me information about my condition. Even though it is information I have known or tests I have been through already, I do thank them for their thoughtfulness.
It is harder when the advice is not helpful or quesitons our faith. I am reminded of a woman at my church. I was only a few years into my affliction but had been referred to a new doctor who was to do tests – tests new to me at the time. I felt hopeful. I was sharing with her and she said, “Oh, you don’t need any doctors or medication. You just need to get alone with Jesus and let Him heal you.”. Right. Like I had not been clinging to Jesus for my very sanity!
And there is always the one where there “must be sin in your life” or “you don’t have enough faith”. I spent too much time being introspective on that one. No more.
As to how to respond – nothing good comes from prolonging a discussion that will go no where helpful. Best to say, “Thank you for your concern. I feel I am doing the best I can within the realm of knowledge that exists. And I am trusing the Lord for His strength”.
Let’s face it – it takes more faith to remain trusting the Lord when an affliction/condition/illness remains.
Thanks Deborah for a thought provoking devotional. Truly we all can relate and you bring forth some great reminders for us to revisit.
Bless you!
Lynn
Jan 26, 2012 @ 08:19:08
When a well-meaning friend recently said that the reason that some people get healed and others don’t is because of their faith (i.e., the one who had the strongest faith was healed), I responded that in the end, it is God’s choice who He decides to heal and who He does not. And I reminded her that sometimes healing comes in different forms. It may be spiritual, emotional, etc.
My mom has many illnesses, many of which you cannot see, and one of which is a rare form of dementia that affects the language center of her brain. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times someone has said, don’t worry, it’ll get better. It has gotten frustrating, but I typically tell the person that short of a miracle, which I totally believe God can and does often do, that what she has is progressive and will not get better — and that that is one of the ugliest parts of the disease! You slowly lose the person over time — and sometimes not so slowly. It can be very frustrating and difficult to say the least, and what we need during this chapter of our lives is support and love and care — and sometimes that just means listening.
Fortunately I’ve found a support group where the particpants unfortunately do understand because they have a family member with the same thing.
There are many people who I have not shared this news with because I do get the impression that they really don’t care, and it would provide the opportunities for them to have those difficult conversations, and I just don’t want to go there. I seek out those who do care and love the Lord and have compassion.
Thank you so much for bringing this issue to light! I just recently found your devotionals and have been truly blessed by them.
May God bless you richly,
Helen
Jan 26, 2012 @ 08:50:44
Recently, I was having a conversation with my brother expressing my concern with his growing addiction to pain killers. I was horrified to hear him say that I must be the one with the problem, to fabricate an illness (fibromyalgia) just to get pain medicine, and he went on to berate me about how I have taken my lies too far and have the whole family worried about me. I cannot even begin to express the pain of knowing that one of my own family members has been disbelieving of my (very real) pain for nearly ten years now. I have struggled with even letting people know about my FMS, because I don’t want anyone to judge me or treat me differently. I have had several traumatic experiences throughout this struggle, including one doctor telling me that I was mentally ill and just addicted to pain killers. I shared this a few months ago with my pastor, who I trust implicitly, and he suggested that the process for healing included letting my friends and others support me by telling them what is going on with me physically. I had just started opening up, and then…..the conversation with my brother. I feel like, if anyone should believe me it should be my family, and my brother had always showed such concern and support before….I feel totally betrayed and my heart is actually aching from the hurt. I am trusting that God will heal this scar on my soul, and help us bridge the chasm that has come between my brother and I.
Jan 26, 2012 @ 19:42:54
This is a topic which has obviously hit home with a lot of us! I think, perhaps, being misunderstood and even not believed by others is the most painful part of chronic, invisible illness. I have many family members and friends who do not really believe that I am ill.
One of the inisisble illnesses I deal with is Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. It is horrible to feel like you are at the mercy of other people whether or not you can breathe or function or not feel like you are about to die. Sadly, the person who has caused me the most pain in this area is my husband – the person who should be the most supportive of me. He has refused to give up his aftershave, cologne and air freshners, and even makes fun of me for being “so sensitive” to them. This is a big reason (among others) why he is not going to be my husband much longer. My heart is broken. And, frankly, I am MAD!
The story about the lady in the devotional and her “well-meaning” church friends sending her a chemical-laden book in order to “cure” her just about made me cry (or scream!). Truly, it is not the REALLY well-meaning people who bother me, but the ones who want to APPEAR well-meaning, but deep down, are very selfish. I think it threatens some people’s belief system for others to remain ill and not be healed. So they can end up treating a chronically ill person very, very badly.
This all grieves my heart so much. I am thankful there are others out there who can understand.
Jan 26, 2012 @ 20:11:53
I loved this devotional so much because it really made me feel that not only do we have a friend in God who is who he says he is but in other people who might be struggling with invisible illnesses and are willing to support each other and pray for each other. I do understand the stigma attached to invisible diseases as it has always been and that no matter what society says, it is still there. It is misunderstood in that the people who do not or have not experienced it either firsthand or with someone they love really can not understand the distress and anguish that it can cause while they naturally can understand those with an illness they can see or grasp such as cancer and what it does to someone physically. It is really not their fault, they just do not understand it. And what we do not understand sometimes we handle in the complete opposite way than we should and it causes the person with the illness to feel even more alienated and misunderstood and hurt and hurt. It usually takes someone to experience something to really have compassion and understanding of what someone else is experiencing. And to the person who was so hurt by her brother lashing out at her, please give it time. Sometimes those closet to us hurt us and we don’t understand it when emotions are running high. Give it some time and then when you and he are both settled down maybe you can talk without saying things that might further hurt you. I am sorry for your pain but hopefully you will be able to work it through with him later. At any rate I would love to hear more from each of you and certainly Deborah Farmer. I just felt really lifted by this devotional. Blessings to you all. I pray that you each find some relief from your situations. God is good and we must all learn to try to place our requests to him and trust him to help us in some way. That is a struggle at times as we try to do it all alone. But be assured we are not alone and we must surround ourselves with those that will help us feel safe to share ourselves with and that will pray for us and with us as we can do for them and all others to be learn to do the same. I am trying to get closer to God and grow in my faith. And this is the kind of conversations that encourage me to do so.
Jan 31, 2012 @ 07:56:45
Thank you for your concern and words of encourgement, Kathy.